A BIG Change

I have been updating this as I didn't realize I hadn't put all the ones on my FB posts on here. So I put the dates so that I will remember when I wrote them. Because I made all these public, I have left out one teeny, tiny...actually WHOPPING detail. I have NEVER been happy in my marriage. Never. You read the soulmate story. Well, we have struggled constantly. We have not shared a bed for the majority of our marriage. I was just too hopeful that it would turn itself around. I never told anyone but a few select people. I never searched for other men. It wasn't about that. I was trying to do the right Christian thing. I was trying to make this work no matter what.

But, since turning 43 and going through my raw food cleanse, I have decided I cannot live this lie. Even if it means it is truly difficult for me. I realized I was only holding onto Kevin to have him help me with housework and the kids. THis is wrong. There is no marriage. And for me, there has never been love. I trusted on God that day way back when that he chose him on that day that I had the blind date with him. I have grown and learnt a lot, but I feel my life has never had flow to it. I have struggled unnecessarily. I am doing this for the kids and myself. Shylo said she felt a heart chakra blockage. She asked if he ever had heart trauma...wow...just like what I had read about people getting arthritis and other ailments due to such a thing. I told her emphatically yes! Then I told her about the impending divorce. I am feeling SO freeing with all this as I meet amazing people and am FINALLY being real and true and AUTHENTIC!! Wow!!! What a feeling! I am seriously on cloud nine with this. I don't even fear the challenges to come. I will cope. God will provide. He always, always does in magnificent ways. He already has.

In a very peculiar chain of events I have someone to correspond with currently. Someone who warms my heart beyond belief. Someone who is giving me faith, hope and love. What more could I ask. I am being cautioned by well meaning friends, but I feel that he is sincere. We seem to have a lot of life dreams and goals and work ethic and desires in common. We are both passionate souls. We are both compassionate and sensitive souls. I am in awe. I am just enjoying the moment and not worrying about the future. I want to make it VERY clear that I did NOT meet him till AFTER Kevin told me at the beach one day that this was over and he was leaving for the month of October. Then Michael face booked me and I was well aware of the new love in his life, but he shared with me that they met on match.com. I decided to go on. I waited till I had 4 emails before paying to see what they said.

Little did I know that one little email from a well-intentioned soul would lead to where it has. I have no idea where this will go, but right now I have fallen pretty heavy. I will be ok if it just doesn't work out. Ok, that is a lie. I would be completely devasted if it doesn't work out. But...I would, like always get over it. BUt...here is the next interesting clincher. I had asked God when I turned 43 to provide me with a man who was a GOOD communicator foremost, caring, sensitive, compassionate, has tact, passionate in and out of bed, driven, hard-working, good role model for my children, easy going, not into sports and not a big social butterfly whose time I have to share constantly...and I got that. All that and more. I sure changed what I thought was important from 20 yrs ago. THat is why I am so certain this WILL work! I asked God!! He BLOWS my mind!! He truly answers prayers!! He is SO in my life I can barely speak. I am in awe and moved. And to THINK that Michael was a conduit for me meeting this man. What an interesting story. I SO love my stories!! Life is like a puzzle that eventually has all the pieces come together. I stayed with a man I didn't love and now I am already in love with this one and I have never met him. But if he is all he says he is, then he has my heart. There is no doubt about it. We seem to want the same things. I had such butterflies and at church last sunday Sandy prayed over my situation and my butterflies went away instantly. God just baffles me. I have been calm ever since and simply high on God.

And just a little extra to this story...I took a Laughter Yoga class and we played this game where we had to pull cards out of a deck and say out loud what it was with a phrase at the end. THe group chose 'in the bedroom'. My card said this..."You will meet your soul mate in the next 60 days"...in the bedroom. OK the bedroom thing was just fun, but the soul mate part blew my mind!!! And being the 2 passionate souls we are, I think we will quite enjoy the time 'in the bedroom' once we get to know each other. He is a lovely build. Strong. He says he could pin me down wrestling...I told him I know self defence and can get out of any move...we shall see. Oh the fun. His biggest desire is to have a long, deep committed relationship and that is mine as well. He even wants to tour the US by bike. I still have all my cycle-touring gear. He wants to travel Europe esp. Italy. SHelley and Eddie and Tammy and Peter just got back from there and enticed me so about it. He likes camping and fishing and traveling backroads...so do I. He loves sunset with a lover...sunsets are my favourite. I am just so blessed.