For all the negative experiences we had in the hospital, I know that God was with me the whole time. THerefore He wanted us to go through them for some reason. Was it to show us that I was on the right track before and that by going through all these bad experiences, that I should really learn to trust my 'gut' and not do western medicine as it is riddled with errors? It is not any individuals fault; I know that. It is simply an imperfect system. Especially when dealing with a case like ours which is diet related as they know nothing about diet.
The 3 other 'neighbors' we had were all sick due to colds/viruses. They all had antibiotics and went home better than when they came in. Great. The hospital served their purpose. But the first person was a 2 mo. old baby that got sick AFTER his immunization where the fever didn't go away for 4 days. First blood work showed bacteria so they did a second set that didn't show anything. Baby I guess got better, but they admitted him anyway for a 3 wk. course of antibiotics. Second neighbor got sinusitis so bad it inflamed his whole face..needed surgery. Third neighbor had swollen lymphs so bad, he had to be airlifted from Fort Mac. to Edmonton. Both the 2nd and 3rd had CAT scans as opposed to MRI's as first line of detection. Then ended up getting MRI's and it was the MRI's that diagnosed each. Yet now they have each have that radiation in their body for life. And each had a diet that was horrendous. The 2nd thought gingerale for the son was a 'liquid' and copius amounts of chocolate mousse, food. The 3rd said her son (5) was eating now-- chips, bubblegum ice cream, and chocolate. The nurses praised both for their 'good eating'...I sat there...stunned, yet not really. I guess saddened is more like it thinking that their poor diets got them sick in the first place.
These, once again, were learning experiences for me. Reinforcing that I do in fact know something...and that most people don't know or rather, don't link food with illness. God wanted me to hear all this. He wanted us to experience this so that I know to run far and fast the other way before ever getting led to such a horrible, sickly place again. But he was with me in other amazing ways. Not only did He absolutely confirm my lack of faith in 'the system' for anything other than trauma and acute emergencies, He showed up in unexpected places. The dimes. I hadn't found my dime yet. I had found 3 a few days back for Thanksgiving, but none during this crisis time. And I told Jennifer this. Later the SAME day, I found one in the gift shop with Kara! I had never in the last 19 years actually asked for a dime in advance like that! This, the day of Cory's procedure and the day he cried for 3 hours and the day that was so hard. Then Kyle came the next day finding another in the hospital parking lot. I was beyond elation. Seriously.
The healing bracelet from our neighbor after Cory's botched MRI exam and I was feeling so desperately sick for Cory...and she presents the most perfect, yet simple gift. Cory has not taken it off yet. Then off to get my green tea and cinnamon bun...
I wanted a green tea and a cinnamon bun (although I hadn't eaten a cinnamon bun in well over 5 yrs., but my cousin had brought some for Kevin, so they were on my mind). I had gone that morning to get a green tea but they didn't have. I go to use the computers, and was telling the girl who works there about my challenging day (more with what I didn't say, then what I did), and she later came and offered me a green tea...NOT a coffee which is more usual...a.green.tea. Then, 5 minutes later, she comes back and says, " you know, we had a pot luck today, and I made these cinnamon buns and have some left over, would you like one?" I was dumbfounded. I must have looked at her so strangely. Could it be that I was getting exactly what I was thinking about? If so, I should have been thinking about Cory's instant healing!! I was instantly brought to a state of bewilderment and awe and peace as I sat and read some beautiful FB comments from loving friends. I could cope once again.
My sister showing up right after that. Allowing the girls to take Cory to the feature movie at the 'Beach' that night and allowing me and her time to talk before Dr. Kolski showed up without Cory being there. Then her being there to hear Cory's history and see his file and her admission to me later that she truly had no idea what I had been going through and how I sounded like a medical doctor going through all his paperwork with the doctor as she was asking for past neurological and neuromuscular reports and I had some bloodwork questions for her. God has known that my whole life, what I have wanted more than anything is for my sister to love me and think that I have done something right...after this conversation with her, my heart was once again at peace. She truly felt I had done well. A million dollars could not be more valuable to me...and God allowed it to happen. She may have thought it and said it before, but I have never felt it so intensely and whole-heartedly from her.
Jennifer showing up RIGHT when the stretcher came to take Cory to the colonoscopy. She was there for me taking my mind of things...helping me from walking into walls and finding my way...well, anywhere! We sat at an elevator for like 5 minutes chatting when she asked where we were going, and I told her my mind was mush, I hadn't heard a word she said and quite frankly it doesn't matter where we go. She laughed. Later she gave me the most precious necklace gift--it said 'hope'. And I posted this right when a friend Susan sent me a private message about 'hope'. Sometimes all the timing is so surreal. Of course, God allowed Jennifer to come six times being his paid art therapist, and I needed her each and every one of those times.
The scrabble game Jennifer, Cory and I played. A gift given by another friend; we played it. The first round we played, we all raced to spell 4 letter words. The game is over when all the letter cards that you are dealt are used up spelling words. It is played quickly and you have no time to really think too hard about the word you are going to make. The last word, which was made by Cory, and the only word that he could have made based on the last card/letter he had was L-O-R-D. Me and Jennifer looked up at each other. The 2nd and final game that we played, the final word was P-O-P-E. There are only so many 4-letter words that God can use to stand for him...and certainly, there is no mistaken with Lord about what He is trying to say. Seeing, especially the word Lord, was like he was in there talking to us, telling us He is in control here, NOT all these doctors and that I have to listen to Him through my heart. Unbelievable...
There has been another healing that has taken place for me from an old friend...something I won't get into here, but has been on my heart for over 20 years. And my aunt said that a cousin who shunned me 8 years ago, is ready to put all that aside. That would probably be my final healing as these were the only 3 biggies in my life. Funny how certain people's words or actions can affect someone for a long, long time. The heart knows what it needs.
So there has been alot of good for me through all this and if I am healed, then Cory too can heal. I believe that is how it works. This, plus all the other 'little/big' things that happened. My quandry now, is how to deal with the drugs when I think they are so evil, but yet I have a sick little boy that needs some help, yet has all these strange side-effects now that the doctors all down play...I will never stop searching for Cory's natural cure and I need to listen to my 'gut'.
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Linnet Lage-Schwarz likes this.
Gina Gordon Lannin So true! You have that amazing ability to see the upside or learning experience in traumatic times - that is truly a gift! Also, that Cory has mom so relentlessly searching for a cure! Lucky boy!
October 24, 2010 at 8:38am · Like
Susan Ballash that was beautifully written Shelley. You are an inspiration to me.
October 24, 2010 at 12:53pm · Like
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