University. I never wanted to go, but grandma insisted. And since I was living with her, she had some input into what I did with my life. My mom and the stress of worrying about her made my studies and working and well, everything hard. I joined karate so I could at least have something I liked since I didn't like university and had no idea what I was doing there. I grew to love karate and excelled at it. But even with just joining karate, I was miserable. My life was a mess. My mom wore me out. I was living at Lister Hall at this time and I remember I won a karate tournament. I was so joyous I cried! It was the first positive thing I had ever done in my life! This was the start of healing for me. But it didn't come easy. I cried so much that night in my room and yet felt suicidal. I can't remember why, but I do remember that despite the medal, I was unhappy. So I seriously thought I would kill myself. You have to remember I was raised in an abusive home being told I was worthless and stupid everyday, and then trying to get through high school and university with a mother who became mentally ill due to the extreme, extreme physical and mental abuse she endured. So I had no mom or dad to be there for me and guide me through my teen years.
So, there I was in my room at Lister Hall really down. I decided that if i was going to kill myself, I was going to go to SUB and get a delicious cinnamon bun first. Thus, wiping the tears, off I went. I bumped into some karate people and a friend of theirs. I chatted briefly as I was aware that I had been crying and probably looked the part. Then proceeded to buy my bun and went back to my dorm room. I didn't feel like ending my life that night, so i thought I would wait. The NEXT morning, I proceeded to go to SUB for another cinnamon bun, when at the top of the stairs I met an angel.
Well, I didn’t know it would be my angel at the time, but boy was I in for a most joyous experience.
We both paused, said nothing for what seemed like eternity just staring into each others eyes, this warmness enveloping us as we soaked in each others presence, when finally we each kind of mumbled out, didn't I meet you yesterday. This was an absolute soul connection!!! We said so much before we even spoke! She decided to come back down with me and we talked. We talked, and talked and talked. We talked about 12 hours a day for two weeks. I have never had such a relationship in my life with a female, where we could look into each other's eyes, and know what the other was thinking. And LAUGH??? I have never laughed so much in my whole life as I did after meeting her. It was truly the most insane, weird experience I have ever had. We laughed, and laughed and laughed. She was the best therapy I could have ever gotten--and I had tried therapists only to tell them 'where to go'. I laughed away all thoughts of suicide and never thought that again. I was healing. She helped to heal me. We would finish each other's sentences and never really had to talk. We knew what the other was thinking. It was so uncanny, this ability, that we would end up in fits of laughter where ever we went together. It was so embarrassing.
For months and months this went on. We would laugh for hours for days and weeks and months on end. Our lives had been so similiar. Who else could laugh when you say, "oh ya, well if I dropped a glass in the kitchen and it broke, you could hear my dad get off the couch, stomp, stomp, stomp and I knew I was gonna get it bad!" We would share horror stories that most would sit shocked to hear, while we laughed through the whole thing. When they say laughter is the best medicine, it is undoubtedly truer than true! I will never forget God sending me that angel to not only save my life at that moment, but also to heal me so completely from all the hurt and pain in my life growing up in an abusive household. She disappeared out of my life a few years later, after her task was done, as friends tend to do, but I will never forget the power of love, the power of God and how the soul can be healed.
No comments:
Post a Comment